Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again.
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Each individual's intimate path varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.